


walking tornadoes, cream puffs, and cat ears

by EzzyDean



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 23:10:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6259849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EzzyDean/pseuds/EzzyDean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some days Kuroo really isn't sure why he ever thought owning a bakery was a good idea.  Most days he's not sure why he ever thought hiring Lev was a good idea.  Though he supposes sometimes he does get some entertainment out of things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	walking tornadoes, cream puffs, and cat ears

“Lev?”

“Yeah?”

“Please go and bang your head against the wall.”

“Why?”

“Because it will be more intelligent than anything else you’ve said all day today.”

Lev’s bright eyes go wide and he pouts dramatically, long arms flailing out and nearly knocking a vase of flowers off the counter.  But Kuroo doesn’t see it because he’s busy burying his face in his hands and lamenting the day that he decided to let the walking disaster known as Haiba Lev work for him.

“That’s a little harsh even for you, Kuroo.”  Akaashi says as he picks up the stack of orders for the next day off the pile next to Kuroo and flips through them.

“A customer asked if they should get candles.  For their birthday cake.  Lev said no because it ‘looks nice enough’ without them.”

“My cakes do look very nice, Kuroo.”

“They do.  But that’s not the point Akaashi.  The point is that we always recommend candles because we _want_  customers to _buy_  more things.  That’s kind of the point of having a business.”  He groans and runs his hands through his hair, not even caring about how it looks at this point.  “Last week he told a customer on the phone that he wouldn’t recommend the cake they were thinking about getting because ‘it isn’t very big’ and ‘you don’t get many portions out of it.’”  Before Akaashi can even say anything Kuroo turns to him and glares.  “It was your specialty cake.  The one that is usually sold to the customer as part of a set of small cakes.  The one that makes us decent money so we can take more days off and spend them with our families and partners.”

Akaashi’s slow head turn and unblinking stare makes Lev squeak in surprise and attempt to casually leave the counter area.  Which unfortunately is the moment Yahaba comes out of the office with an armload of papers and orders.  Lev scrambles to help Yahaba collect the papers off the floor and Kuroo whines, face buried in his hands.

“Why is this my life?”

—

“Lev.”

“Yes?”

Kuroo rubs at his temple and squeezes his eyes shut, hoping that maybe he’s just hallucinating.  Maybe the last couple months since he hired Lev is really just some incredibly vivid hallucination.

He knows he’s made some bad decisions in the past but this one… this one takes the cake.  Literally apparently.

Lev is covered in flour.  Head to toe in flour.  He’s not allowed in the kitchen.  Not allowed in the section of the storeroom where they keep extra ingredients like flour.  Not allowed to unload the truck when they get stuff like flour in.

Yet here he is, despite all that, covered in flour.

“Explain?”

The explanation really, really, doesn’t help his headache any.

—

“Yahaba?”

He hears a hum and then Yahaba is leaning over the counter and staring at the floor where Kuroo is sitting, papers spread out around him in disarray.

“Kuroo?”

“Do I want to know the rest of the details about why we have so much apple pie wasted on Thursday with a note that just says ‘Lev’ next to it?”

“Because Lev, in all his infinite tall wisdom, was helping in the freezer and decided that on top of the rack was a perfect place to leave the apple pie instead of in it.  Ennoshita nearly cracked himself in the head with it,” he adds with a soft laugh.  “It was actually a little funny in that horrible way near accidents are.”

“Funny.  Right.”  Kuroo sighs and eyes the amount of money this latest mishap is going to cost him.  Lev is a good guy and he shows up to work on time every day and when he’s not being a total disaster he’s a fairly decent worker he just… well he needs a lot of supervision that Kuroo doesn’t have the time, or patience, to provide himself.

He wonders if he could put up an ad for some kind of “Lev-handler” position.  Must have good communication skills.  Must be self-motivated.   Must be good with overeager coworkers who are like a dog who forgets they’re a dog.  Then he cringes because he feels bad about that.  Lev isn’t a bad worker or a bad person.  He’s just incredibly inexperienced and the rest of the people who work in the shop are very self-sufficient so he most likely feels overwhelmed and pressured to do the best.

“’Lev-handler’?”  Yahaba mutters as he reads over Kuroo’s notes.  “That sounds, well, unpleasant.”

Kuroo groans.  “Just keep an eye out for someone who might have potential to help keep him in check?  I love the guy but he needs to stop breaking so much stuff.”

—

The man with the potential to handle Lev is not who Kuroo expects to meet when he gets to the shop after getting Yahaba’s text.  For one thing he doesn’t expect him to be so small.  At least in comparison to the rest of the workers in the shop.  For another thing he doesn’t expect to see Lev calmly sitting at one of the tables nodding solemnly to the man.  Kuroo can’t remember the last time he saw Lev doing anything calmly and he’s already about to offer the man anything he wants to come work for him without even interviewing him or officially meeting him.

The final thing is that he didn’t expect to already _know_  the person.

“Yaku?”  The man in question turns in his seat and gives Kuroo the deadliest most unimpressed look Kuroo’s ever received in his life.  Which just makes him even more impressive since Kuroo has known Kenma practically forever.

“I should have known somehow,” Yaku says.

“I didn’t realize you were coming back to town.”  Kuroo glances around and sees Yahaba at the counter with a customer and deems the place under control for the moment so he sinks into a chair at the table and gives Lev a quick smile.  “You looking for a job?”

“Wasn’t exactly looking but I suppose if you’re offering I might be able to be convinced to take it.  If nothing else it will be interesting to whip this disaster you call an employee into shape.”

Lev whines a little at this but simply pouts and watches them both as they share a grin.

“Yaku, come with me to the office.  Lev, stay behind the counter with Yahaba.”  He stands and waves for Yaku to follow him.  “This will be just like old times.”

“Ugh I hope not,” Yaku scoffs, but Kuroo can hear the small smile in his voice.

—

It had been blissful.  Yaku had no problem fitting in and practically taking over the shop.  Which Kuroo had totally expected and honestly had no problem with.  Because that meant he could take a few days off and still anticipate having a shop to return to when he came back.  And after spending twenty minutes talking to a customer who insisted on having a blue cake for her son’s birthday even though he didn’t like the color blue - because he’s a _boy_  he _has_  to have blue - and then spending another ten trying to explain that it didn’t matter if the cake was a square or a circle because shapes did not have a gender - no, round cakes are not specifically for girls because _shapes don’t have genders_  - he definitely needed the days off.  Lev hadn’t even done anything horribly tragic that day which was a miracle in itself.

Still.  He had needed the few days off.  He let Akaashi take a mini vacation the week before he did, because he’s just that nice of a person… and because he’s fairly certain that if he hadn’t Akaashi would have smothered him with a cake while he slept one night.

Anyway.  Vacation.  Days off where he did nothing but sleep and got a nice long massage from a very nice and very nicely built massage therapist.

He’s walking back into his shop with a smile on his face.  Because he took almost a week off and still has a shop to go back to.

Yaku’s narrow glare makes him pause as soon as he steps through the doorway.  But a quick glance around shows everything still in place, nothing broken, no one in bandages or casts, and no scorch marks anywhere so he can’t see a problem, at least nothing that would warrant him getting that kind of a look already.

“What did I do?”  The question is only half a joke because the last time Yaku looked at him like this Kuroo had been walking around with a limp and a bruised shin for two weeks.

“You,” Yaku hisses, “hired me.  And then you left for a week.”

Kuroo waves off the words like a pesky fly as he steps behind the counter on his way to the office.  “Only because I knew you could handle it.”

“No.”  Yaku plants himself in front of Kuroo and refuses to move and despite the other man being so much smaller Kuroo really can’t bring himself to do anything but stop and wait for the rest of whatever Yaku needs to say.  “You hired me and then left for a week.  You left me with that walking tornado,” he gestures to where Lev is currently wiping down tables and not breaking anything which is a huge plus in Kuroo’s book, “and that,” Yaku points accusingly at Yahaba who is standing at the register sorting through some paperwork, “that, that demonic cream puff you call an employee.  Akaashi is the only one who didn’t drive me crazy within an hour.”

“’Demonic cream puff?’”

Yaku growls at him and kicks at his ankle.  It’s barely a brush considering how hard Kuroo _knows_  Yaku can kick.

“I _will_  get you for this Kuroo Tetsurou.  Just you wait.”

—

It wasn’t like Kuroo didn’t expect Yaku to follow through on his threat.  He just didn’t expect that Yaku’s version of getting back at him was going to involve him wearing cat ears and handing out samples of various cakes and cream puffs.  An appreciative hum jolts him out of thoughts about how making his old friend one of his employees and allowing him to plan events to draw in more customers may have been a bad idea on his part.

He frowns as greedy fingers pluck a strawberry cream puff from his tray.

“You were just in here last week and bought a dozen of those.  I’m sure you know that you like them.”

A bored stare is his only response and Kuroo sighs.  At least Hanamaki brought friends this time so it’s not a total loss if he can wrangle them into buying stuff.

“What can I say?  I have a thing for cream puffs.”

One of his friends snorts.  “Oh you definitely have a sick _thing_  for cream puffs, my friend.”

Kuroo’s gaze drifts to Yahaba at the counter and he can’t help the huff of amusement that slips out when Yaku’s words about Yahaba being a demonic cream puff pop into his mind.  He notes Hanamaki and his friend following his gaze and Yahaba suddenly freezes and straightens up slowly, eyes darting around until they land on Kuroo and the group near the door and Yahaba scowls.  Which just makes Hanamaki and his friend snicker.

Kuroo watches out of the corner of his eye as Lev suddenly appears from the back with a tub of frosting, spots Kuroo standing at the door, and quickly disappears into the back again.  Kuroo sighs again, cat ear headband digging into his head.  What did he do to deserve this?

“One sample per guest,” he says, slapping away Hanamaki’s hand from his tray.  “Feel free to purchase some, we have an excellent sale going on right now.”

—

Kuroo isn’t sure which disaster to watch as he sits at the table near the counter with Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and Matsukawa: Lev attempting to discreetly clean frosting off the wall behind the counter or Hanamaki completely failing at flirting with Yahaba.  (He’s vaguely concerned by how quickly these four friends seem to have decided that his shop is a good place to meet up and hang out for hours on end but they all buy something when they come in so he can’t really complain much.)  Oikawa lets out a very unattractive snort as Lev attempts to casually wipe his frosting covered hand off on his apron and Kuroo rubs at his temples.  Honestly he doesn’t think he quite deserves this.  Not when he was so kind as to hire Lev in the first place.  That should have given him good karma for at least a year.

Iwaizumi snickers and Kuroo tunes back in to what’s happening at the other end of the counter.

“You know,” Hanamaki is saying as he props his elbows on the counter and Yahaba continues copying orders down from scraps of paper on to actual forms, “Kuroo dressed up to hand out samples.  You could do that too.”

“I am not dressing up like a cat.  Kuroo’s weird.”

“I was thinking more like a cream puff.  You know.  A cute little cream puff handing out cream puff samples.”

Yahaba blinks rapidly like he’s trying to process the words and then he shakes his head and goes back to his work.  This is why he’s one of Kuroo’s favorites.  He does what he’s supposed to.

“Don’t include me in your perverse cream puff fantasies.”

This is the other reason he’s a favorite: he takes no shit.

"Oh but you take the starring role in my fantasies.”  Matsukawa is sitting across from Kuroo and his face is turning so red from trying to keep his laughter in that Kuroo is worried he’ll burst.

“As what?”   Yahaba finally gives in and drops his pen onto the counter, settling his elbow next to it and propping his chin on his hand  “A talking cream puff?”  He smiles sweetly, leaning in close to Hanamaki, and Iwaizumi snickers again.  “Do I tell you to eat me?”

“Yes.”

Yahaba lets out a disgusted sound.  "You.  Are perverted.“

**Author's Note:**

> Christine wanted a bakery au with Kuroo in it and who am I to say no? 97% inspired by the shit Christine has to deal with at her job. 3% inspired by Bre's Yahaba tag.
> 
> As always come yell at me on [Tumblr](http://ezzydean.tumblr.com) if you need to.


End file.
